@joyatlarge

2016

The Occasional Limbo

Feeling stuck comes and goes.

After the frenzy of what felt like a productive week, with sleep squeezed out by packing for a move, it has led to a falling out between myself and the virtue Patience.

Part of fully owning your time is now the constant dogging of Guilt. It takes mental discipline to fence off time to decompress and get life admin done (like the onerous task of packing and unpacking things that have multiplied like rabbits since you last checked), and know that its necessity offset the opportunity costs that could be spent 'doing more'. 

Then there is work leak. This afternoon, I escaped my farm of boxes to take a Skype call with someone who runs a firm doing projects with DNA that match my current hotspots of interest. It was a strange hopping in and out of a couple of days set aside to just get moved. The switch in gear gave me a mini-slump - feeling like I failed both my personal and professional goals because of inefficiencies inherent in shifting gears - that only a series of podcasts could talk me out of.

Even, perhaps, the occasional blog post, writing and sharing, defining experiences through the lens of learning becomes therapy to both making sense of a cloud of thoughts, and also to become unstuck from false dilemmas. 

There is a thesis I want to test too: how one perceives productivity depends on their definition of productivity; and definition depends on the frequency and consistency of (positive or negative) reinforcement while carrying out the exercise. Even the idea of productivity requires allowances when it meets different situations, so instead of a set of rules, it is guided more by principles, within which multiple (and different) rules can be set. 

However, all that said, I am reminded of a couple of pointers given by someone at my previous place of work: don't be hard on yourself, and be patient. Sometimes allowing yourself to be suspended between a problem and its answers is a good space to be when learning is deliberate, and the journey is not without design.

Feeling stuck is inevitable, but if you're in a journey like this one, it could be the rose by another name that still smells as sweet.